Memento, Point Break, and the Infamy of Remakes

By Christian DiMartino

Christopher Nolan’s Memento is a flawless film. It’s a film of grand invention, and really, the praise I could give it now probably would not do it justice. It is a perfect film… so why not remake it?

If you have been on the internet tonight, you have probably heard a little bit about how they are remaking Memento, just fifteen years after its release. The article I read also threatened that remakes of Donnie Darko and Cruel Intentions (which, for your information, was basically a remake of Dangerous Liaisons, which was also basically remade a year later by Milos Forman in a film called Valmont) are on the way. Do we want it? Absolutely not, but we are going to get it.

Hollywood has a tendency to remake, reboot, re-tweak,re-twerk, and spin-off popular movies all the time (and in some cases, turn into a TV show, ala Minority Report, About a Boy, etc.). When I think of a remake, only one film really comes to mind: Gus Van Sant’s ill-advised, shot-for-shot remake of the Alfred Hitchcock classic Psycho. Did you see it? No? Good. It is awful, and unnecessary.

Granted, here and there, a remake will work, like with True Grit (which scored a Best Picture nomination). But now it seems like they are really going for broke, remaking films that aren’t even 20 years old yet. I heard talk of a remake of She’s All That a few months ago. Why? Nobody wants that. I mean, they might as well just remake Road House with Ronda Rousey in the Patrick Swayze role… oh wait, they’re doing that too.

Speaking of Swayze films, can’t we just let the man rest in peace? Have you seen the trailer for the new Point Break movie? I guarantee you the man is rolling in his grave right now. Not only is it unnecessary, but they casted these Burger King employees in the lead roles, rather than someone, you know, famous. Maybe actors with actual talent are just afraid to get involved. I like to quote Neve Campbell in Scream 4: “You forgot the one rule of remakes, Jill: Don’t f**k with the original.”

Next we’ll probably get a remake of Ghost and Dirty Dancing (and again, a Donnie Darko remake is also being planned, bringing Swayze back into the equation once more). They are also planning on rebooting Jumanji (nice of them to wait until Robin Williams passed away).

Ugh, it is just stressful. Back to the Memento thing. It is a brilliant film, clearly. So clearly, they cannot think of any better ideas, so they figure why not take this brilliant idea and tell it over again?

I will refer to the old saying: If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it. Memento sure as hell ain’t broke, so please, for the love of God, don’t fix it.