Film Confessions: Frozen

1/2

By Christian DiMartino

When Frozen came out on Thanksgiving weekend back in 2013, it was all the rage (kind of like The Blind Side. Hmm…). I, of course, didn’t rush to see it because I didn’t have my license at the time. But I knew I’d get to it eventually.

Then one day, the moment arrived. As I watched it, I was swept away by the beautiful visuals… and exhausted from the never-ending music numbers. Five minutes into this thing, I already had my hand over my face, patiently waiting for the end.

Frozen works in stretches, but really, I don’t and probably never will, know what all of the fuss is about. I once had a friend tell me it was better than Beauty and the Beast, and to that I say: I don’t know what drugs you’re on, but I want some. I had to do an IMDB search just to refresh my mind of what this movie was about. Okay, here we go.

Elsa (voiced by the wickedly talented Adele Dazeem… oh excuse me, Idina Menzel) has the power to freeze crap or something. Elsa has a sister named Anna (voiced by the always wonderful Kristen Bell) who she has distanced herself from for this reason, pretty much. Their parents died in a boating accident or some crap, who knows.

Years later, Elsa is crowned queen. In this instant, her powers are exposed, so she runs away to this… ice, castle, thing, in which she sings that bloody “Let it Go” song everyone wouldn’t shut up about. Due to the intensity of her powers, hell has frozen over, causing an infinite winter. So Anna, with the help of some mountain man and a snowman named Olaf (voiced by Josh Gad), try to stop the infinite winter.

Oh yeah, I must also mention the fact that Anna falls in love with a Gaston-like figure after 30 seconds, and gets engaged after singing some song. Because, of course, why couldn’t they just speak?

I am not necessarily calling Frozen a bad film. I am willing to pay it credit where it’s due. It is visually stunning, the voice work is nice, the songs are catchy (a bit too catchy if you ask me), it’s entertaining. But yet the characters are kind of one-dimensional, it’s quite exhausting, and, at times, a bit irritating.

I wish I could’ve hopped on the Frozen bandwagon, and you cannot even knock me for the fact that I am not the target audience. I’m not, trust me, but I have loved a great amount of Disney movies. But this one… not so much. I’m really only giving it two and a half stars to be kind. Let’s face it: Frozen just isn’t that good. Let it go already.

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