By Christian DiMartino
Will “Tell Dey Troof” Smith is back in another movie, Concussion, out on Christmas day. He plays a doctor who tries to expose the NFL for letting their players get severe concussions during normal play. I bet you’re wondering why I referred to him as “Tell Dey Troof.” Well, if you’ve seen the trailers (and trust me, you have. They shove it down our throats like a gay guy at an orgy), you will know that Smith tells this guy to “Tell the truth.” But Smith is sporting this stupid Jamaican accent, so it sounds more like “Tell dey Troof!”
You want dey troof? Here’s dey troof, Will: Concussion looks like crap. Sorry, it is on my chest, and it is time to get it out. I, of course, haven’t seen it, but I am so against this movie that when I found out Smith got a Golden Globe nomination over Johnny Depp for Black Mass, I choked on my breakfast burrito.
So, I bet you’re wondering why I am so against it. Allow me. I go to the movies a lot, if you couldn’t tell. I remember a few months ago, I went to the movies, and they played a trailer for Concussion. It looked okay, though I could tell that his stupid accent was going to bother me. The next trip to the movies, they played it again. I tolerated it. THEN, the next trip to the movies, they played it again. This is where the groans come in.
THEN, the next trip, they played it again. And then, they played it again. And again. And again. And again. And again. And again. And again. And again. And again. And again. And again. And again. And again. And again. And again. And again. And again. And again. And again. And again. And again.
You know what happened after that? You guessed it: They played it, again. I could feel my face drooping.
Then I went to see Creed. I was sat there, talking about how they were probably going to play the trailer. And guess what? You guessed it: They played it again. And this was the point where I drew the line. I stood up in the middle of my sentence, and left the theatre. I can’t take it anymore. I HATE IT.
Then I went to see Secret in Their Eyes. Left again. Then they played it when I saw In the Heart of the Sea. Left again.
I swear, if I have to see the trailer again, I just might slit my wrists. I have heard people say they want to see it, and when I say otherwise, they give me this look. They don’t know. They don’t know what I have been through. But hey, I can at least say it looks better than Point Break.
I hate the trailer. I hate Smith’s stupid “Give me an Oscar please” accent/performance. I hate the trailer’s “Give me an Oscar please” display. I also just don’t see what is so fascinating about its premise. I once smashed my head on a fireplace. You don’t see them making a movie about it.
Now you know why I am appalled by his Golden Globe nomination. Because that is just what it wants from us. It wants Oscar attention. Concussion may very well be good (it currently has a Fresh percentage on Rotten Tomatoes, for some reason), but I am rooting for it to fail.
I cannot judge it until I see it. If I am wrong, I will apologize. This post is simply an opinion, mon, and, tbh, it looks rather stupid. Good night.