Review: The Boy

By Christian DiMartino

Howdy, I am a few weeks late in reviewing The Boy, but lets face it: Those who cared to see it probably already saw it, so it doesn’t matter. Regardless, The Boy isn’t the worst movie out there, and that’s saying something.

The film opens with a nice girl named Greta (Lauren Cohan), who has arrived at an eerie looking house in the middle of east Jesus no-where. It’s one of those houses where you see it and immediately think its haunted, or that something is afoot. Anyways, to give you a bit of backstory on Greta, she was in an abusive relationship, and now she is need of cash. So she’s taken on a babysitting gig… In England? First off, if she’s so damn poor, how did she afford a ticket? Also, how did they contact her? They don’t even have Wi-Fi.

Regardless, not even money would keep me there for what’s to happen next. Among meeting the parents (they’re old geezers), she is soon introduced to their son. But believe me, it’s not what you think. Turns out their son, Brahms, is actually a doll. She laughs, as any normal person would, until she realizes that these people aren’t kidding. Now maybe this is just nitpicking here, but wouldn’t that be an immediate red-flag? Clearly these people are delusional, and it only gets worse once she finds out the actual story.

So, she doesn’t run out of the house in a fit of terror. But she does stay there with Brahms, who every so often, moves. This still isn’t enough for her to leave. She soon finds out from a friendly… what is he? Is he a milkman? You don’t see him doing any work at any point in the film. Anyways, she soon discovers from a friendly… uh, guy, that Brahms was actually killed in a fire.

And honestly, that is all I will say in terms of plot. So, hear me out: This is not a good movie. The characters all do stupid things that usually get people killed in these movies, and the first hour or so is so ridiculous that taking it seriously is damn near impossible. Yes, the concept of a killer ghost doll is creepy, but it just doesn’t really work.

It sounds as if I’m crapping on it, and in some ways, yes I am. But even though The Boy is trash, it’s also a good amount of fun, especially when you begin trying to piece together the mystery. Once we get to the twist, however, we’re given something that’s shocking and extremely creepy… even if it doesn’t make total sense. Still, it’s a good one once it hits you.

I’ve only seen four films this year so far: The ForestDirty Grandpa, the upcoming Terrence Malick film Knight of Cups, and this one. It’s sad that this is the second best movie of the year. Hopefully Hail, Caesar can kick things into gear. In The Boy‘s defense though, if you are bored with nothing else to do, or you’re trapped on an airplane, or if you’re trapped in a movie theatre during a storm, or you’re drunk and in the mood for something that isn’t Showgirls, you could do a lot worse.

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