By Christian DiMartino
My life is very difficult. Ya see, I see so many movies that sometimes, I run out. Hence why I was dragged off to see the latest Gerard Butler mess, London Has Fallen. See? Slim pickins.
If you haven’t heard, I’ve never been a fan of Gertard Butler. But after seeing London Has Fallen, it occurred to me: maybe it’s not the man as much as the projects. Granted, he’s no master thespian. Hell no. But I feel like he isn’t quite the one to blame for this live-action video game. I feel like it’s what he’s told to say and do. Granted, he did kind of make matters worse with The Ugly Truth and Gamer. The real ugly truth is… he’s pretty much lost all credibility with me.
London Has Fallen is a sequel to Olympus Has Fallen, a film as memorable as… uh… huh. I can’t remember. What I do remember though is that it wasn’t quite a lowpoint in Butler’s career. London Has Fallen, however, isn’t helping his case. It’s an entertaining but ludicrously stupid action thriller that appeals to those who love watching people play video games. I don’t know who you are, but this movie is for you.
Butler is back as Secret Service man Mike Banning, and Aaron Eckart and his butt chin are back as President… something. Couldn’t tell you what. I like Eckart, but seriously, his chin looks like a booty. Anyways, upon hearing about the Prime Minister’s sudden death (it’s pretty bloody obvious how he died), the two head off to London to attend the funeral. And then… you guessed it: The two are under fire.
Turns out some guy is out for the President’s blood… and he has to destroy London of all places to do so? Hold on. Why bring London into it? So then it doesn’t seem like a retread? Plus, wait for it: a bridge falls down. Clever guys. Couldn’t they have just fired a missile at the White House? I mean damn they destroy half of London, just for an American. A little convoluted, don’t ya think?
I kind of rooted for London to actually fall, just so then the movie would end. I didn’t get my wish. I also kind of rooted for the President to die, this way Morgan Freeman would become President. I mean, really? We have Morgan Freeman as a political figure… and you make him the Secretary of the Job That Nobody Cares About? Actually, this time he’s the Vice President, so they’re on the right track.
I had fun at London Has Fallen, mainly because it’s an easy target. It is entertaining, yes, but the screenplay is awful. It tries too hard to throw in comedic one-liners (“I always knew you’d come out of the closet”), and it also tries too hard to sell us on the friendship between Butler and Eckart. Also, the visuals are kind of terrible. It’s 2016 people, get it together.
Freeman, Eckart, Melissa Leo, Jackie Earle Haley, Angela Bassett and Radha Michell all show up for a pay check. And just because there’s a new setting doesn’t mean it isn’t a retread. Haven’t you seen Home Alone: Lost in New York? Or The Hangover Part II? Same thing. Whatever. I’m clearly not the audience for this sort of movie. I went into it with negative thoughts, and I left with them too. Perhaps I can’t be trusted.