Ghostbusters 2k16: Let Me Tell Ya a Thing or Two

By Christian DiMartino

Since word broke out about the upcoming Ghostbusters reboot a few years ago, all hell broke loose. I’m surprised it’s taken me this long to tell my thoughts. But I suppose I’ve collected them long enough. 

People were immediately pissed, considering the fact that Ghostbusters is something so sacred, and there was gonna be a bunch of chicks and stuff. Gross! Girls are icky!

Me? I never knew what quite to think, and some two years later, I still don’t. When I first heard the idea, I said, “Huh. Let’s see who’s involved here.” Soon came the casting of Kristen Wiig, Melissa McCarthy, Kate McKinnon, and Leslie Jones. I can’t speak for Jones, because I’ve still never seen her on Saturday Night Live, but the other three? When in the right project, yes. Then it was also announced that Paul Feig was directing, which further sparked interest.

Feig, in all honesty, has a gift when it comes to working with women. Bridesmaids, Spy, and The Heat (particularly the first two) were some of the funniest films of their years. He is also the only filmmaker thus far who knows how to put McCarthy to good use (her own husband, Ben Falcone, hasn’t even done so. No offense). He’s the McCarthy whisperer, if that was a thing. So with him behind the wheel, I began thinking: could this thing work? Or will the original be just too special to mess with?

I held this thought… Until the first trailer arrived. And boy, what a mess. It’s apparently the most hated video in the history of YouTube (a site that once held “Two Girls One Cup,” mind you). And I completely understand. You’re touching something as marvelous as Ghostbusters, and that’s the best ya got? It almost seemed like even the people who made this trailer were trying to sabotage it. Not to mention, the funniest thing about the trailer was the fact that the visual effects looked better in 1984. 

So with that hate, some weeks later, another trailer arrived, in what I think was an attempt to try and make up for what they’ve done. Nope. Sorry, it still didn’t look funny. Now mind you, I’m not a hater, and this is only judging from a trailer, and I’m not knocking it because I’m a sexist pig (“Get back to your kitchens!”). Women can be funny, I know. But To put it simply: the damn thing just doesn’t look funny. And it’s a shame too, because of the talent involved. 

So after the NEXT trailer, I said to myself, “Alright, let’s just wait for the reviews.”

And I did.

Prior to the actual reviews, Dan Aykroyd of the original films, said that he loved it. This would normally be time to rejoice. But… Didn’t James Cameron praise Terminator Genisys last summer? No one can be trusted, not even the king of the world.

And so yesterday, the reviews surfaced. And by some divine miracle, they weren’t terrible. Whew. But let’s face it: people are going to hate this movie regardless, because to quote Scream 4: 

You forgot the one rule about remakes, Jill: Don’t f**k with the original.”

True.

Now that being said, good reviews don’t always equal a good movie. Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close was nominated for Best Picture. That movie blows. See? And truth be told, I haven’t been able to trust a comedy since Sisters, the unfortunately bad Tina Fey/Amy Poehler movie. That film got good reviews… For some reason. 

Thus far, there’s only one review claiming it’s one of the worst movies of the year, and it’s a critic I trust most. And that critic, like me, also hated Sisters. See?

So what am I getting at here? Hell if I know. I guess I’m just still not sure what to think about this thing. I don’t want the cast to fail. But that being said, it at times almost seems like they want to piss us off. I know that the cast has dealt with a lot of the backlash, yes. But even in that, it’s kind of like “Well, you hate us, so we’re gonna fuel the fire.”

This is all mostly coming from one major element: the theme song. Fall Out Boy and Missy Elliot have joined forces to do a revamp of the classic theme, and… It’s an abortion. I mean Fall Out Boy alone was a red flag. But people, by the time the damn thing was over, a drop of blood fell out of my ear. It’s unspeakably awful.

Now that’s just a song. But still, it ain’t helping things. Ghostbusters 2k16 may very well end up being a helluva time. I’m not fully convinced, but you never know. But ya know, why couldn’t they have just done a third film while Harold Ramis was alive? They could’ve included the chicks idea with that. Everyone would’ve been happier. 

But my word doesn’t matter. There’s no stopping this thing. If it sucks, there’ll be chaos. If it rocks, there’ll still be chaos. There is no winning here. Either way, life sucks, and we’re all doomed.

The End

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