By Christian DiMartino
*Warning: If you really want to see this movie, then you will not listen to the following review. I know who you are. I am one of you. I ignored the reviews too. My mistake. But I think some people will love this movie, even if it’s a turd.
They say that looks can be deceiving. And honestly, nothing else can apply to Suicide Squad. The trailers for this movie, particularly the one set to “Ballroom Blitz,” were orgasmic. It looked like such a blast, and honestly, it’s the best trailer I’ve seen all year. But maybe, just maybe, they put more effort into it’s bomb-diggity trailer than the actual movie, because the movie I just experienced is a nearly joyless slog. A two hour extravaganza of incoherence, noise, and aimlessness.
This is not only one of the worst films of the year, but it’s also the most disappointing.
But I’ll do my best to describe the plot, or what there is of it. Viola Davis, one of the film’s highlights, plays an agent who, after the events of Batman Vs. Superman, hatches a bright idea: release a bunch of bad guys from prison, and let them do… something. Save the world? I guess? Who the hell knows. It’s all a bunch of hooey. But my question is: why is this a good idea?
So, who are these “bad guys?” Well, one is Deadshot (Will Smith, charismatic as usual, which is appreciated here), a guy who never misses his mark. Kind of like Bullseye from that crappy Daredevil movie. But Deadshot has a soft-spot, in a sidestory that can be hilariously hokey. Then there’s Harley Quinn (Margot Robbie, another highlight), who fell in love with The Joker (Jared Leto) and went bonkers. Leto isn’t around long, but he has promise. As for the rest, well, my memory is a tad murky. But I’ll try. Captain Boomerang (Jai Courtney, or “good movie repellent”) has a boomerang and he… throws it. Diablo (Jay Hernandez) shoots fire, and also has a hokey backstory. Then there’s Slipknot, who doesn’t amount to anything besides giving Hot Topic shoppers hope.
That about rounds up the Squad. “So, we are like some sort of uh… ‘Suicide Squad,'” Deadshot asks. And… there’s the title. The Squad basically team up to take down Enchantress (Cara Delevigne and her obnoxious eyebrows), who basically spins this blue cloud in a circle for some reason for two hours until the Squad shows up and tries to stop her. The Enchantress storyline feels like something out of The Mummy, and it’s so unbelievably stupid, you’ll feel like you’re watching a camp classic.
The first hour is fine, getting to know the characters… uh kind of. But it’s that second hour where Suicide Squad falls on its fat one. After the first hour, the film just plummets to its impending doom. It goes nowhere, just spinning its wheels until a climax that feels like half the movie.
The plot is incomprehensible. The soundtrack is great, yeah, but… let’s just say, director David Ayer (writer of Training Day) isn’t Quentin Tarantino. By that I mean, Tarantino has a keen ear when it comes to matching up songs with scenes. Ayer does not. These songs, great as they might be, when placed in this movie, are either cliche, or just make no bloody sense. OH YEAH, and the attempts at humor… let’s just say, they almost always land with a thud.
But alas, I won’t call it a total abortion. I like Smith, as usual. I like Robbie’s performance, and when her and Leto are together, the screen pops. Just too bad there’s not enough of them. It also has some neato action sequences… though the visual effects are kinda lacking, particularly in the Delevigne department.
In a summer in desperate need of redemption, Suicide Squad shows us that there is no hope left. This is an unfortunate waste of time, money, and effort. How did this happen? Why did this happen? Well, part of the problem is that the damn thing is sugar-coated, and in return, so are its “villains.” These so called “bad guys” are basically a bunch of teddy bears. I think the filmmakers missed the point, and in that, have truly missed an opportunity. But hey, I guess they can’t all be Deadpool.